Columnists,Izmi Carrim,Top Story l by Izmi Carrim l 19 Oct 2020     - 55

Listening To A Happier Relationship

Unlike fairy tales, real relationships require a lot more effort for their happily ever after, for its hard keeping that spark alive that was ignited in the earlier stages of the affair by the novelty of romance, where everything is new and there is a lot to figure out and as time goes on you notice the differences that weren’t as apparent as before.

Now that you realize that everything is not as picture perfect as earlier assumed, staying connected through communication becomes vital and essential, and an inability to do so just weakens the bonds amongst partners only opening the doors to feeling frustrated and isolated from each other. Before those flames are truly extinguished its best to seek an approach that rekindles those flames again and my suggestion is to start with actually listening to what your person has to say.

To listen is to bring more into the attention than simply the words that are being said as statements alone, but the emotions and behaviours that are emoted along with them that act together to what is intended to be conveyed, and is why a sincere effort from the heart rather than the mind with logic is best, and is also why listening and not hearing is so necessary in a relationship. It creates an environment enabling vulnerability between the partners, rather than one that leaves things bottled and locked which only helps a relationship reach its edge quicker, hence being felt unheard and ignored is the unfortunate cause of many failed relationships, as negative thoughts and assumptions of being misunderstood and worse that their might be something wrong with themselves and more begin to flood in.

Another factor that often gets in the way of being a good listener is the need to always be right in a conversation, which actually blocks your mind and heart from listening to whatever is being communicated. To bring forth growth and intimacy in a relationship we must be truly compassionate by being open to perspectives other than our own.

So, the next time it is your turn to listen, physically lean forward with curiosity displaying the intent of being present and avoid any distractions that could shift your focus away from the conversation; like keeping your phone off or silent for starters.

Aim also to be attentive with the need to understand and not to simply respond, do not start analysing while your partner is still talking you may miss out on something important being said. Rather it would be more beneficial to rely on empathy by putting yourself in their shoes in finding a solution.

Remember and recognize that your partner is simply sharing an experience and that it is not necessarily a personal attack against you and at the same time do not distract yourself from being present in the conversation by pushing forward your own agenda as well in the conversation.

We must always keep in mind that we all see and process the world just a bit differently and being someone’s soulmate doesn’t mean that you must click together on every view/opinion that you have, people often forget that and use it as a reason for detachment whenever there is a disagreement, rather than use it as a reason to understand each other even more.


Izmi Carrim

From Credit Analyst to Customer Care Coordinator, and now a Content writer. Izmi’s main focus is now on bringing to light topics he believes that help the human race, himself included, in guiding them a step further towards being a better version of themselves than the day before.

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