Felled in the prime of his life, Kieran was 11 when he became a victim of the Easter bombings in 2019. Born in the US, Kieran was destined for a great future. In an exclusive interview, his mother Dhulsini De Zoysa speaks to Features Editor Tina Edward Gunawardhana about dealing with grief and loss while issuing a call for justice.
Words: Tina Edward Gunawardhana
As people across the length and breadth of Sri Lanka were preparing to celebrate Easter Sunday in April 2019, a series of bombs ripped out the very heart and soul of Sri Lanka. Bombs exploded in Negombo, Colombo and Batticaloa in churches and hotels killing hundreds and maiming thousands. The devastation wreaked by a few with skewed religious and political ideology destroyed thousands of families not only in Sri Lanka but across the world. From London and Norway to California, Singapore and Australia, families lost their precious loved ones in the horrendous Easter attacks.
Dhulsini de Zoysa, a Sri Lankan American was spending 18 months in Colombo with her 11 year old son Kieran Shafritz de Zoysa. While partaking in breakfast at the Cinnamon Grand Hotel in Colombo with her son and mother, Dhulsini’s world crashed around her in one split second when a suicide bomber detonated a backpack filled with explosives.
Although Kieran’s face and body were devoid of injuries, he was haemorrhaging internally. Dhulsini was willing Kieran to survive the attack as doctors battled for 90 minutes to save his life. Sadly, they were unable to save Kieran, who was placed on a life support machine.
That evening, almost 12 hours later, Dhulsini and Kieran’s father Alex who was at home in California made the harrowing decision to remove their only child from the life support machine.
Having watched Dhulsini from afar over the last three years, her social media posts revolve around her precious son Kieran. In a BBC interview Dhulsini spoke with clarity and calmness. She displayed an immense sense of bravery when she spoke about her unfathomable loss.
After much coaxing Dhulsini has agreed to give Hi!! Magazine an interview. Her words on her personal journey are like a soothing balm for other parents, especially mothers who are still grieving. An example of bravery and compassion tempered with a firm call for justice, Dhulsini’s story is all encompassing as she speaks about her son, his legacy, dealing with grief and most importantly urges people to seek justice and hold those in authority accountable.
Three years since the Easter bombings, there is still no end to the matter. There have been several commissions of enquiry but no tangible results. It is claimed that those in authority knew about the impending attack but kept mum.
Not a single person responsible has been brought to justice. For Dhulsini that stings. A fiercely private person Dhulsini’s fervent wish is that her story will move those in places that matter to expedite the wheels of justice and to inspire others to put pressure on the authorities to act now instead of procrastinating.
Explaining why she mustered up her courage to lay bare her feelings in this interview, Dhulsini is searingly honest when she says “you know I struggled with whether or not to give this interview and nearly backed out a few times. Then I realized that your readers are just like me: many of them are mothers who love their kids just as fiercely as I love Kieran. Mothers’ hearts break when our children are hurt. Yet, for too long, women’s voices have been silent on issues of politics and governance.”
In her effort to seek answers, justice and above all accountability from those who allowed this carnage to happen she issues a clarion call “your readers can use their voices to demand justice for the Easter Sunday victims better than I ever can. They can get involved in politics and call for progressive policies that protect Sri Lanka’s natural beauty, its wildlife, rivers, lakes, and forests for generations to come. And above all, they can commit to making this world worthy of all of our children.”
Speaking on the gamut of emotions Dhulsini experienced she says “losing my sweet Kieran, I lost my light and my faith. He was my whole world. I spent nearly three years in a really dark place. I have cried more than I thought a person could. I felt completely untethered from the world that we know, alone and adrift in a cold universe. I could not see a way forward. He and I were inseparable in life – I have never had more fun with or laughed as much with another person. It is a loss I will never recover from. How could God or the universe take the purest soul I have ever known?”
While others would turn to religion to seek answers Dhulsini says “I found no comfort in religion. I had prayed for God to watch over Kieran and keep him safe every night of his 11 years. I relied on the prayers of people who love me to carry me when I could not pray after Easter Sunday. My mother’s church and my father’s Buddhist Vihara in Washington had no answers that made sense to me. But I wasn’t an atheist either – I believed that there must be more to life than the things that we busy ourselves with. I went inward, guided by a passion to find Kieran, to restore my faith, and to understand my soul’s journey. Some call this seeking God, some call it seeking enlightenment. Others call it the quest for self-actualization.”
Dhulsini retreated to her place of comfort, books. “I could find relief from the horrors of what I had seen on Easter Sunday while reading. I read and reread the great philosophers and thinkers, Carl Jung, Viktor Frankl, Gandhi, Solzhenitsyn, Thich Nhat Hanh, Thoreau, and many others.”
She lost interest in the symbols of status that society tells us are important. “No amount of power, money, fancy cars, clothes, purses, shoes and diamonds can mend a broken heart or bring lasting happiness, just as Likes on social media don’t bring a feeling of inner calm or confidence. I began simplifying my life, shedding material things I don’t need. It is a practice that I plan to continue for the rest of my life” she says.
Exploring her feelings the grieving mother found grace in the depths of despair. She learned to listen to her inner voice and became less dependent on other people’s opinions and advice, no matter how well meaning they are. “I learned how to say no, politely but firmly, to anything that would distract me from my focus, wrestling with questions of life and death and our soul’s journey. I want total clarity, a sense of inner peace that nothing can disturb. Anything less would be unworthy of Kieran. My grief is now mixed with gratitude. Being Kieran’s mother, loving and guiding his sweet soul, is the greatest privilege of my life.
I used to tell him that I love him more than everything and everyone in the universe put together. He loved me back completely and joyfully. What more do I need than that?”
Kieran (or Kiran) means a ray of light in Sanskrit. But Kieran was not just a ray of light. He was like a bright blazing sun that shone on everyone he came across. “Be like Kieran” was a plea made by Kieran’s dad at the funeral. Dhulsini swells with pride when she says “Kieran was such an easy child: optimistic, compassionate and kind, loving and affectionate, loyal, funny and fun-loving. From his youngest days, Kieran was remarkably loving and affectionate. As a two year-old, he eased my troubles with sweet, sloppy kisses that frequently left peanut butter and jelly on my face and clothes. Kieran remained sweetly affectionate as he grew up, even when it wasn’t cool. At age 11, Kieran would still quietly slip his hand into his grandmother’s when she was agitated. He noticed that it calmed her. That kind of emotional intelligence and sensitivity is rare. “
At age 9, Kieran wrote “The most important thing about me is that I am optimistic. I always like looking on the bright side of things. I also tell funny jokes to cheer people up. I am hilarious (in my humble opinion), artistic, truthful, awesome, diligent, and intelligent. But the most important thing about me is that I am optimistic.”
Kieran charmed everyone with kindness and enthusiasm for life. Dhulsini shares that a friend in Colombo wrote that “Kieran was an outstanding student, a role model, an enthusiastic friend and a kind soul. But what stood out to me most was his smile. His smile could do wonders. I’ve seen it happen. It can turn the worst day into your best. That was Kieran, a boy with a heart big enough for the whole world.” A classmate at the Elizabeth Moir School in Colombo, where Kieran spent the final year of his life, wrote “Kieran was the happiest person I have ever met. He always managed to cheer us up when we were feeling down.”
